I would do exactly what you did. You helped that poor man. Because of you, he didn’t die alone at night in the road. He was given pain relief, a bed, & someone to be with him. The second guy knew there was nothing to do to help. Showing compassion isn’t being helpless. It’s frustrating when that’s all you can do, but it keeps your heart in tune & helps the whole world. Thank you for caring ❤️🩹
I think it mattered. Just because you couldn’t save him, doesn’t mean you didn’t help him to have a more dignified death. As for the other man, your kindness in wanting to help means something too
I've been contemplating this piece, Switter, and feel as though my perspective may be a little different, possibly radically so, and therefore maybe less welcomed. But here goes nothing...
First, I'm struck by the human tendency to revisit outcomes. It seems we do that most often in two extremes, first when something goes terribly wrong and we remark on what might have been, were it not for that one moment, that one tragic decision. But we also do it when things go amazingly well and we reflect on what might have happened had we not been so fortunate. In both instances, we are unlikely to consider that what happened was as it should be. Death is difficult, and it rips us from people we love, or from people who we feel did not deserve to die. But, we can't know what happens next for them. I like to tell myself that this is, for them, a new beginning, not an end. For those who ascribe to that way of thinking, then that soul in your hands was released to a new opportunity. You were there to bear witness, and to shepherd. You need not expect more of yourself. I'm sure that soul did not.
As for death and the notion that no one should ever die alone, of course many do, and many human and non-humans choose to do so. I think what we want here is the assurance that no one should die lacking confidence that they mattered in the world. We can't change how people think, but we can stand alongside with compassion. We can accept that we differ. We can care anyway. You did that. You definitely did that. 🧡
As for revisiting outcomes, last winter when when I skidded over the edge of a 500’ cliff but was stopped by a tree 200’ from the bottom, my mind wanted to replay the event over and over, always as a what if. I talked to a wise person the next day who said, “Don’t let yourself think about the what ifs. Focus on the what was and do it with gratitude.”
In my story, I told about yet another one of those situations I often found myself in for which I had no answers. They always left me with an initial question: showed I ignore this and pretend it didn’t happen, or should I stay and do my best, even if I really don’t know what to do.
For me, I decided to always do the latter, to face the situation and not back away. At this point in my life, I take some comfort in knowing I chose to do the right thing in an awful situation. And it does get easier with time to do the right thing.
You write: "it does get easier with time to do the right thing." You don't think doing the right thing came naturally for you? It sure seems that way from where I sit? Or do you mean, here, that knowing what to do, in an unfamiliar situation, comes more easily over time? Either way, thank you for thinking alongside me here.
As an ex-nurse I would say you did exactly the right thing. You got him help, and if he could have been saved you gave him the opportunity. As several people have said, nobody should have to die alone. It is obvious he had some awareness, and he would have known he was being helped and he was not alone. Be at peace.
I always want to matter. I always truly want to help people even in the most incongruous of instances. I have never been in such a situation, (and hope not to be, Switter) but I also hope human decency prevails, as yours did, to stay. To try. And help, however that may be defined. J
I was talking to some nomads who work with us on a project so they could reunite after 10 years of drought that killed their livestock and broke up their tribal cohesion. We drilled deep wells in the desert where we found an aquifer refreshed by the Nile 20 kilometers away.
I ask one of the men once what was the most important result from the project and expected to hear about rebuilding their herds and growing food for their families.
He stared at me for a few moments, and with that fierce, honest stare of the Bedouin, he looked me in the eye and said, “We no longer must die alone.”
Well most of us wouldn’t be driving alone at night in a foreign country already risking life and limb for others, so this might be a moot point. But given where you were and your day job, I wouldn’t expect any different from you.
I think I would’ve flagged someone down to ask them to help the man. I’d like to think I’d do the same, but… it’s hard to say if fear would’ve won out instead.
Malawians are gentle and kind people. I never worried once about crime.
Interestingly, I had to cross a bridge to get to the hospital and there was a police roadblock. I told them about the injured man and how I was taking him to the mission hospital. I then asked them to inspect my undamaged vehicle so they would know I did not hit him. When they were satisfied that this was the case, they made a note in their notebook.
Several months later, I received a call from the central Blantyre police station who wanted to talk to me about the man I killed with my truck, which they described as manslaughter. I explained to them again what happened, then told them I had no transportation to go to their office. They said okay, and that was the end of it,
You DID help the man. If he was conscious enough to cover his genitals, he was conscious enough to know the state he was in and that you were with him, you had stopped, you had cared.
We almost never get to save someone. But there are a million ways to help, and you did.
You did do something. You got the dying man out of the road and into a place of safety and dignity. The second man merely lost a load, not his life. It was a bad day for him, but he probably had had others ... as you have had. Sometimes nothing can be done. But you stopped to ask if he needed help. You did a lot!
I would do exactly what you did. You helped that poor man. Because of you, he didn’t die alone at night in the road. He was given pain relief, a bed, & someone to be with him. The second guy knew there was nothing to do to help. Showing compassion isn’t being helpless. It’s frustrating when that’s all you can do, but it keeps your heart in tune & helps the whole world. Thank you for caring ❤️🩹
You did what only a compassionate person would do. You did good.
Too often, it’s a struggle. Nothing like that comes easy.
Yes. I agree.
I think it mattered. Just because you couldn’t save him, doesn’t mean you didn’t help him to have a more dignified death. As for the other man, your kindness in wanting to help means something too
Thank you, Noha. I only knew for sure I couldn’t leave him there alone to die like an animal.
I've been contemplating this piece, Switter, and feel as though my perspective may be a little different, possibly radically so, and therefore maybe less welcomed. But here goes nothing...
First, I'm struck by the human tendency to revisit outcomes. It seems we do that most often in two extremes, first when something goes terribly wrong and we remark on what might have been, were it not for that one moment, that one tragic decision. But we also do it when things go amazingly well and we reflect on what might have happened had we not been so fortunate. In both instances, we are unlikely to consider that what happened was as it should be. Death is difficult, and it rips us from people we love, or from people who we feel did not deserve to die. But, we can't know what happens next for them. I like to tell myself that this is, for them, a new beginning, not an end. For those who ascribe to that way of thinking, then that soul in your hands was released to a new opportunity. You were there to bear witness, and to shepherd. You need not expect more of yourself. I'm sure that soul did not.
As for death and the notion that no one should ever die alone, of course many do, and many human and non-humans choose to do so. I think what we want here is the assurance that no one should die lacking confidence that they mattered in the world. We can't change how people think, but we can stand alongside with compassion. We can accept that we differ. We can care anyway. You did that. You definitely did that. 🧡
Elizabeth, that was perfect. Thank you.
As for revisiting outcomes, last winter when when I skidded over the edge of a 500’ cliff but was stopped by a tree 200’ from the bottom, my mind wanted to replay the event over and over, always as a what if. I talked to a wise person the next day who said, “Don’t let yourself think about the what ifs. Focus on the what was and do it with gratitude.”
In my story, I told about yet another one of those situations I often found myself in for which I had no answers. They always left me with an initial question: showed I ignore this and pretend it didn’t happen, or should I stay and do my best, even if I really don’t know what to do.
For me, I decided to always do the latter, to face the situation and not back away. At this point in my life, I take some comfort in knowing I chose to do the right thing in an awful situation. And it does get easier with time to do the right thing.
You write: "it does get easier with time to do the right thing." You don't think doing the right thing came naturally for you? It sure seems that way from where I sit? Or do you mean, here, that knowing what to do, in an unfamiliar situation, comes more easily over time? Either way, thank you for thinking alongside me here.
As an ex-nurse I would say you did exactly the right thing. You got him help, and if he could have been saved you gave him the opportunity. As several people have said, nobody should have to die alone. It is obvious he had some awareness, and he would have known he was being helped and he was not alone. Be at peace.
Thank you.
I hope I would do the same.
I always want to matter. I always truly want to help people even in the most incongruous of instances. I have never been in such a situation, (and hope not to be, Switter) but I also hope human decency prevails, as yours did, to stay. To try. And help, however that may be defined. J
No one should die alone.
They should not. I admire you more and more, Switter. Most people don't risk.
I was talking to some nomads who work with us on a project so they could reunite after 10 years of drought that killed their livestock and broke up their tribal cohesion. We drilled deep wells in the desert where we found an aquifer refreshed by the Nile 20 kilometers away.
I ask one of the men once what was the most important result from the project and expected to hear about rebuilding their herds and growing food for their families.
He stared at me for a few moments, and with that fierce, honest stare of the Bedouin, he looked me in the eye and said, “We no longer must die alone.”
Well most of us wouldn’t be driving alone at night in a foreign country already risking life and limb for others, so this might be a moot point. But given where you were and your day job, I wouldn’t expect any different from you.
I think I would’ve flagged someone down to ask them to help the man. I’d like to think I’d do the same, but… it’s hard to say if fear would’ve won out instead.
Malawians are gentle and kind people. I never worried once about crime.
Interestingly, I had to cross a bridge to get to the hospital and there was a police roadblock. I told them about the injured man and how I was taking him to the mission hospital. I then asked them to inspect my undamaged vehicle so they would know I did not hit him. When they were satisfied that this was the case, they made a note in their notebook.
Several months later, I received a call from the central Blantyre police station who wanted to talk to me about the man I killed with my truck, which they described as manslaughter. I explained to them again what happened, then told them I had no transportation to go to their office. They said okay, and that was the end of it,
You DID help the man. If he was conscious enough to cover his genitals, he was conscious enough to know the state he was in and that you were with him, you had stopped, you had cared.
We almost never get to save someone. But there are a million ways to help, and you did.
You did do something. You got the dying man out of the road and into a place of safety and dignity. The second man merely lost a load, not his life. It was a bad day for him, but he probably had had others ... as you have had. Sometimes nothing can be done. But you stopped to ask if he needed help. You did a lot!