I received an unexpected phone call one afternoon a couple years ago from the young man who wanted my blessing for him to marry my daughter. While I appreciated his earnestness in asking me that very traditional question, I informed him that it is not so simple for us Africans. There is a price to be paid to ensure he understands the worth of my daughter and if things don’t work out, that she will be provided for.
“I don’t understand what you mean,” he said, not knowing how to respond. He probably thought asking for my blessing was a mere formality.
“Traditionally, there are negotiations between uncles of the bride and groom to satisfy lobola - the bride price. As I explained above, this is necessary to ensure the young man is serious about the young woman and is willing to provide something of value to show his respect for her and to honor her as a woman of worth. I told him that when Nelson Mandela ask to marry Grace Machel, widowed wife of the former president of Mozambique, Mandela offered 45 cattle as lobola payment. I suggested to my daughter’s beau that although my daughter lacked the international recognition of Mrs. Machel, she made up for it with her beauty, her facility with languages, her advanced degree, her strong work ethic, and me as her father. I set a lobola requirement of 35 Longhorn cows and 5 Longhorn bulls with a minimum horn span of 7’. I’ve always wanted a Longhorn saddle bull to ride into town for errands and such.
I ended up letting the marriage go ahead on the basis of pay as you go, even though it is risky and not how things should be done. The COVID pandemic further complicated the transaction, and as with student loans, I suspended payments until things got back to normal.
And I believe he is a man of honor whose word can be trusted. Even though I suspended payments and interest (in this case, the calves I would expect from the herd), the past two Christmas mornings, he presented me with fine paintings of Longhorn bulls.
I have every reason to believe this arrangement will finally reach a satisfactory resolution and they will live happily ever after. To seal the deal, prior to the wedding ceremony, I presented him with a gift I made from a shadow box to hang on the wall in his office. Neatly arranged in the box was a row of .22 caliber long rifle bullets, a 30.06 bullet, a12 gauge shotgun shell, and as a tip to my daughter’s international upbringing, I included a 7.62x54R Russian Mosin-Nagant round. On each of the rounds, I wrote his name, and told him I had plenty more where these came from. I also told him that from this day forward, he was my proxy to love, honor, and cherish my little girl.
I believe he is up to the task.
You have insured a lasting LOVING marriage for your daughter. My father, if he were still living would very much applaud you!
Commenting on the last story about this custom, I told you how my husband of 42 1/2 years asked me if he should offer my father a bride price ... say, a rifle for example. I stared at him in disbelief followed by a smoldering ire that I was able to extinguish. Coming from a religions that still, in the depths of its menfolk's hearts, believes in the Covenant of Polygamy, his suggestion was not the half-joke he intended. He's been more careful ever since.