A Small Expression of Gratitude

I thank you one and all for supporting me.

For much of my life, I was constrained to keep quiet. Children were to be seen and not heard, a lesson so strongly enforced by the belt that it carried over into high school, where I learned how seen and not heard was enforced there in a different way.

After my forays into college, which lead to an international volunteer assignment for a year that became a multi-decade career, I was doubly restrained and censored by living in someone else’s country and by the faith based organization I worked for. The self-censorship internalized until I became mute about what I experienced and felt, and I learned to communicate only in the passive aggressive manner of faith-based organizations and diplomacy. To a degree, some of that self censorship will never go away.

When I eventually left both of those worlds, it was under the muzzling of a non-disclosure agreement that felt as if my stories and my voice were taken from me. For years, I had no past and it was difficult to think of a future. Then circumstances changed, I felt encouraged to tell a few of my stories and as my confidence grew and my sense of restraints fell away, I wrote more and more. Then I discovered Substack.

I made a false start, deleted everything and started over. When I restarted, I was thrilled when one or two people read one of my stories. I didn’t know what readers wanted to read, so I wrote what I knew. Somehow I serendipitously chose a title that was not restrictive so I could explore all kinds of topics that touch on my life. Little did I know that gradually, I would build a following and a wonderful community of diverse readers who see my postings from scores of different perspectives.

Now for a confession. If you all were in a room to listen to me ramble on, I doubt I could do it. Stage fright, lack of self confidence, and a little voice in my head asking me who I think I am to attempt to give something worth listening to for guests with some many different life experiences I cannot begin to imagine what might be universal and pertinent. I would fail as a speaker.

But in this intimate little world of words and stories, our common experiences are more cohesive and I feel the strength of a community who responds to my words with stories of their owns, clues where our common humanity transcends all other divisions and classifications, and a genuine sense and joy of fellowship grows.

I am grateful to each of you as you stay on, reading my hits and misses, but always kindly giving me feedback that makes me learn and do a better job of telling the stories of a life and of lives. As I said at the beginning, if you were all in an auditorium, I would fail. But when I write, I imagine myself telling stories to each of you individually. Some of you I know well from my other lives. Some of you I know as you’ve adopted me into your circles of friends here on Substack. And some of you I know only as a email address that shows up as a new subscriber. I try to imagine you and what you brought you here. I always wonder what I can write that is meaningful and humane to me that you will also find meaningful and humane.

My goal is to build bridges and connections. I remember reading E.M. Forester’s book Howard’s End and thinking about how it is a book about building connections between people instead of building barriers. I want to do that here.

I always welcome honest critique about my stories. ( I’m a storyteller and not an author. That’s an honor beyond my small ability.) Please let me know how I’m doing. I appreciate your support and feedback.

And finally, I get more out of this than my readers. Our stories are about who we are and the experiences we’ve had in life. Without those stories, our lives become dimensionless and we are stuck without a way to measure our lives. Every word and post here gives me a deeper understanding and a broader understanding of this small life of mine. And by sharing mine and reading about yours, our mutual understanding grows and expands into a broader knowledge of our lives together on this little blue and green marble hanging in the vastness of space upon which we share the mystery and the miracle of our lives.

Thank you, friends.